Are You In A Relationship with a Narcissist?

For narcissists, it’s all about THEM. This means your spouse/partner may expect you to meet their needs 24/7 while your own are placed on the back burner. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells and constantly anxious that you will upset them or that they wont be pleased with you. If you find you give and they take all or most of the time, you may be in a relationship with a narcissistic person.

They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have low self-esteem. This also makes it very easy for them to become jealous – VERY jealous. And not just about anyone interested in your romantically, but ANYONE who can take focus off of them, including children, pets, work related activities, and other friends and family members. This jealousy will trigger rage and/or controlling tactics. These may be very subtle or very obvious.

Narcissists commonly project their own behaviors onto others. Your spouse/partner may say that you are needy or have anger issues, and in your head, you are thinking, “Wow, you are so describing YOU right now.” Yes, they are – they are projecting.

Narcissists have little or no empathy or remorse for their hurtful actions. That is, they truly don’t have the ability to look at something from another person’s perspective. You may be hurting or having a bad day, but your spouse seems completely uninterested. They ARE uninterested.

Lack of empathy also makes it hard for them to take any genuine responsibility for their behaviors and actions. But they have enough awareness to know they should at least make it LOOK as if they care, so they will throw you a hollow apology every so often, but this is only because there is usually an agenda behind it – to keep you in compliance with how they want you to behave.

This is where the narcissistic partner can get away with doing things that you can’t. For example, they get upset when you forget to take out the trash, but they constantly forget when it’s their turn. When you gently remind them that they forgot, they get upset for you pointing it out. But it’s Ok for them to call you out when you forget to take out the trash (and its not usually in a gentle way), leaving you completely confused. They can “dish it out, but they can’t take it.”

This is a term taken from an old black and white movie called “Gaslight” with Ingrid Bergman where she marries her dream husband and he turns out to be a nightmare. He slowly and subtly manipulates her by making her think that she is going crazy by seeing and hearing things that aren’t there. This may be an extreme example, but the reality of gaslighting in modern relationships refers to when the narcissistic person tries to minimize, twist, or alter your perception of reality. A classic example is when the narcissistic partner says things such as, “You are overreacting, You’re too sensitive, You’re going crazy, I was just joking, I didn’t do or say that….” to try to make you doubt your own perception of how things happened. If you find yourself often confused and doubting yourself and your memory of things, it’s not you, it’s gaslighting.

Narcissistic abuse is very real, and if you have been on the receiving end, you most likely feel exhausted and shell-shocked, lacking confidence and self-worth. If you would like to talk to someone about this, please be in touch with me. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help you heal from the mistreatment you’ve endured. I have helped dozens of women (and men too, because women also can be narcissistic partners) heal after realizing they are in a relationship with a narcissistic partner.

My specialization is helping people heal after a breakup or divorce from a narcissistic partner.  Click here to access my Narcissistic Breakup/Divorce Recovery Checklist and subscribe to my Newsletter.

I do not specialize in marital counseling to heal the relationship, as narcissism is extremely difficult to treat as the person does not see the need for improvement and will usually not want to do the work to change. If you wish to try to heal the relationship, I suggest to seek marital counseling with someone who specializes in narcissism, as the narcissistic person may try to manipulate a Therapist who does not understand or specialize in this area.

If you wish to end the relationship or already have and need support with healing, please schedule a free 30 minute consultation with me by clicking the link below. I also offer online Coaching for anyone in the U.S. –  Please click the link below to schedule a consultation to discuss your needs further: